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January 28, 2010

the story.. my story begins.. and when i fell in love with rachel..

back in the year 2006, i have met a girl named rachel and i fell in love with her.. you might be thinking why is she important to me.. but i will tell you this.. she is important to me because she is the first girl i ever met and because she is the first girl i ever fell in love with.. but she's not really the first girl i ever met.. she's only the first girl to give me that certain impression, that certain personality which captivated my eye.. people say that your first love is the one you'd never forget.. but i always remember all those i have loved sincerely and true.. and those are other stories i would tell later, so i would tell you this one first.. love is a game and freedom is love's purpose.. get lost in love and you'll never find your purpose.. find freedom, you'll end the game.. end the game and bask in euphoria.. the game ends where everything starts.. that is my belief after everything i've learned..

many things happened for me back in the year 2006, i was just entering my fourth year in high school in june.. i haven't met rachel yet, and love was a word reserved for basketball.. for my life revolved around this game.. i started playing with a basketball when i was about eight years old, that was back in the year 1997.. and i never really enjoyed playing basketball until i was in grade six or grade seven, that was in the year 2001 or year 2002.. that's when i started playing for the thrill of every game.. i remember how excited i was during every physical education class in the hopes of being able to play basketball during the class.. and often times, it's a bad thing that we couldn't play.. and i also remember how thrilled i was after a whole day of school to play basketball with my friends or with anyone who's in the court until the sun sets and we couldn't play anymore.. but i wasn't a varsity player in high school and i had no intention to become one.. i never tried to earn a spot in our basketball team, but i was happy to be playing just the same.. because in my opinion, if i get accepted in the team, i would become too full of myself.. and in fact, i think it feels better just learning basketball by yourself without any coach to help you or direct you.. not to mention, it was just natural for me to learn the crossover without any help from anybody.. i just watch other players how they do it and i would easily pick it up.. i guess, i just didn't knew, i had a gift for having sick handles.. back then, a lot of my friends kept asking me how i learned to do crossover like that or how i did that crossover.. but in my mind, i just learned that while watching tv and mimicking certain moves from other players.. but basketball isn't just a game for me.. it's also my sanctuary, and i find solace, i find freedom in playing that wonderful game.. and as early as that, my desire for freedom is already exposed.. but i just didn't know it back then.. whenever there are restrictions to my freedom as a person, as a human being, i wouldn't be feeling good.. i was decisive and i knew what i wanted, what i needed.. and there are times when i couldn't get what i want and essentially what i need.. but all i really wanted back then was to be happy and to enjoy it with my friends.. and i know for a fact that i couldn't have everything..

so my plan was to graduate from high school first, then find a girlfriend in college later.. i thought i could still hold my desire to find love until i go to college.. but no one could resist that kind of temptation, that kind of longing after suppressing yourself for so long.. and specially when i thought i found someone special.. love is very addictive to me.. i just get a simple hit and it tempts me to go for everthing and more.. such was my case with rachel..

i was studying at saint clare high school.. rachel was studying at saint socha high school.. i changed the names of our schools just so nobody else would know.. but if you really know me, the names are too obvious that you'll know right away.. so i just hope that you please keep it a secret because i kept our real names.. rachel and i were both graduating students on our last years in high school.. it so happened that saint clare and saint socha arranged an interaction between the students of both schools.. saint clare was an all boys school.. saint socha was all girls.. so i guess it was only fitting.. so, if i remember correctly, our interaction took part in november and our class met with theirs.. what i do remember clearly was while all of my classmates were admiring necy, i was the only one looking at rachel.. but i didn't fell in love with her at the first time i saw her.. it was more of intrigue, pure intigue because of the way she spoke at that time.. a sweet, cute english accent.. she was the only girl who spoke that well and that confident in english.. and because of her height, she was 4'11" and because her skin was so fair compared to others.. and because her face seems different among others.. she has a very attractive, foxy, and cute face which is probably because she's beautiful and she has the height of a child.. but my purest intrigue was her personality.. i was very attracted by the way she handles herself.. she had that carefree persona.. she's highly likable.. and she acted like she was a lesbian, although i was really sure she wasn't.. and it was only now that i realize that there are many ways that a girl knows to break the ice.. and one way is to pretend what she clearly wasn't.. or if this is really how she is with other people, then i don't know what to think.. all i know back then was that i was attached to her.. but thinking back from now, i truthfully accept that i wasn't attached.. i was hooked, unknowingly, to her.. as they say about addiction, you never know that you are until after you have become..

i will continue my story on the next month..

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